My Inner Voice Is Getting Louder

So, I failed at doing a LJ post every day for a year. Damn. I just have nothing to say on Monday's and Thursdays. I leave one job, go to the next, and I'm usually to damn tired to want to post anything on either of those days. Sad really. I guess since I can't bring myself to post everyday, I'll switch the reason for posting. I'm gonna use LJ posts to turn myself from an Introvert into an Extrovert. It seems like it would help a lot with that also. I post information about myself so I can get used to talking about myself. I usually can't do that on a one on one basis, and almost never when asked to describe myself. Maybe using LJ I'll be able to bring that side of myself out more. Course, it's also good for letting people who happen to read it know what's going on in my life, or at least a way to write it down and keep it organized in my own head... and organized on my computer I suppose. Whatever.

Till I have something I feel like sharing. TTFN

As everyone knows I fuck off a LOT at work. I read all day, I may play video games, comic reading, general fuckallery. Lately however I've been focusing on working and opening up my extrovert nature. (which has been a bit easier then I thought) I've really started talking with customers and flirting with cute girls, having some deep thoughts and having a almost good time at work. So today, a Sunday(so only have a day) I decided I would attempt to read all day. I managed to read a bunch of issues and I realized that I may not have to give up comics and books at work all together. Which is good, it means that I'm trying to gain a balance to my life rather then forcing change on myself, which usually fails. Now as long as I don't wind up reading all day long every day, I should reach a good balance in my life, which lord knows I need.

Let me add however that there is some awesome shit going on in comics right now. Secret Invasion is over with an awesome twist. Crossed is one of the sickest greatest stories I've ever read. It even kinda sickens me! Then you have ultimatum in the ultimate world which is a fantastic cross-over event. Which should at least have Nick Fury come back which I eagerly look forward to. Well maybe I'll add to my comic review after I've read some more. TTFN. ;P

I had one of those days today. It wasn't a perfect day, but it was one of those days when everything just worked out well. Had a good nights sleep, woke up on time for work, waited for snow all day. Everything that Murphy's law usually says about life was inappropriate today. As you all know minor to major fuckups happen to me everyday. Just me being me I suppose... but that not being the case, doesn't matter. It's not a matter of just not having a bad day, it's all about having a picture perfect non-vacation day. I enjoy them. I'm glad they don't get tedious, and I'm always happy when they happen.

Okay. So I missed one. One of the things I've changed last year is my outlook on my self. So I'm not pissed at myself for missing one. I'm gonna learn from my mistake and not hate myself for not doing it, then eventually stopping cause I'm an idiot. So this is an instant of actually changing something in myself and that's a good thing.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Friday of last week Barb and Ryan got in from Cali. I took off fri, sat, sun, tue, wed (called out sick), and thur to see them off. Holy crap did I need that. I had an awesome time with both of them out here, but above all else I NEEDED that time off. I know, I have an easy job and even working at the bar isn't that tough, but after that many months of working without any significant time off really starts to get to you after a while. Now here I am almost a week off and about to start my work week again, and I don't mind. I reached a point where most of the tension in my back is gone, my knees haven't been killing me every day, and I'm able to smile just a little bit easier. (really though it's always easy for me to smile, just now a little easier ;)

One of the best parts is, I didn't use a week of my vacation for their trip out. I only used 1 personal day and 1 sick day. Still leaving me with 3 weeks of vacation for the year. Ya know it may have taken me 9 fucking years for it, but I can take a month of vacation off and not lose any pay. Damn I love that. I really feel this is going to be an awesome year for me. Vacations, new aspirations, and a desire to have a LOT of fun for as little money as possible this year. Thank you shop rite, for the first thing I've enjoyed from working for you... maybe ever. :P

I have a lot to say about my dad. This isn't that poost. It'll come one day i have no doubt . Tonight I got drunk with Barb's pop-pop. It was pretty awesome. He wound up paying, which really wasn't necessary. It was appreciated however! It was interesting to spend so much time with so many different family members of so many family's today. It made me appreciate my own so much more. My dad this week was strangely understanding, calm and honest. These are not classic traits for my father. Don't get me wrong, I'm not calling my father a liar in any way shape or form, but he doesn't often share his problems. He's normally secretive when he's having a bad eye day. Today he was open and honest about it. Thanks dad. It's good to know you aren't always hiding what's wrong. It was funny to also have spent time this week with Barb's daddy. He's a damn good guy, but for what ever reason he's been dealt a raw deal in life somewhere along the way. He's raised a good daughter, a slightly crazy daughter and a shit bag son. With a wife who loves him and somehow hates him at the same time I gotta say he's done damn well at being the best father he could. Pop-pop is Barb's grandfather and he's a really great guy. Honest, interesting and fun to hang out with, I kinda wish he was actually my grandfather. I never had a grandfather and I wish that I had one like Barb's pop-pop. DAD, being Ryan's father is... an intense kinda dude. I think his dad more then anything has given me a new appreciation for my father. I look at the kind of guy that my dad could be and I love my dad so much more. Not to say there's anything in particular wrong with Ryan's dad, but he's not the kind of guy who I could deal with on a regular basis. Good luck to Ryan and his dad during their life, I hope I can one day reach a point with my Dad where we can get along, talk, drink and just be ourselves. If it's gonna happen it'll be soon. I hope it does. Good night, and good dreams.

So, my entry is going up late, but in my mind it's not the next day till I go to bed so, :P.

Today I was over Barbara's parents house. It was a nice time, had some good dinner, hung out for a while, watched some TV had some good conversation. It was nice. I enjoyed watching Law & Order SVU, interesting episode. However before that we wound up watching Biggest loser. It was a two hour season premiere and I found it horrible. I don't understand how people can watch TV like that. 2 hours of mind numbing pain in my opinion. I mean really, WTF makes people watch this shit. It's sorta motivational I guess, but after an hour of watching it I found my head starting to hurt. They create a fake sense of drama by adding unnecessary commercial breaks after every fourth weigh-in. Good Lord! Is the show really that desperate for time that they would drag what could easily be done in 10 minutes into 30? I understand you have to sell advertising but where does it end? Speaking of which, the show is so fucking fake. Here it is you have 2 guys running on treadmills and one of the trainers comes over to "make sure everyone has water" Oh we forgot our water the guys say. So she drags them over to the Brita Water filter to make sure they have plenty of water. They then talk about how they should always use re-usable water bottles for their water so they don't damage the environment. Fuck. Commercials every 10 minutes. Commercials during the show itself. Plus you have the fucking green movement shoving itself down my throat. Fuck Captain Planet. Fuck product placement. Fuck TV. I appreciate some shows, and I'll be more then happy to buy them on DVD or watch em' on hulu. I don't think I'll ever be okay having cable again. It tries to whore itself on you with every second. I could drive down "prostitute alley" and feel like people had tried to whore me less then the TV does.

This is going to be a very short post. But has anyone else realized it's almost 2010? Sure a year away, but think of all the technology we haven't gotten to. In the 60's and earlier 2010 was the year everyone expected us to be in space, to have flying cars, to be better then we are. It didn't happen. Not by a fuckin' longshot. Sad.

Welcome to the first door opening of me sharing the way I view the world with others. Don't worry, it's just a little bit intense. It's not quite as scary as it seems upon first viewing. ;)

Now as most of you know I've been a fan of Fantasy for most of my life. Sci-fi and Horror run REALLY close seconds, but doesn't quite fill my passion for the classical Romantic image that I have of the European sword and sorcery age. Now as I got older I learned that the realities of the middle ages didn't in any way shape or form live up the concept of the middle ages. Dragons were bunk, wizards were nothing more then doctors and EFX men. It was disappointing to such a level that it left a constant hole in my life that was longing to be filled with another passion. That's when i discovered Dungeons & Dragons. A life long passion was fulfilled. Suddenly here's this world which I could live out all of the childhood fantasy's that I'd had. I would be in control of brave warriors and suspicious wizards. I would have a chance to live the life of a legend. For years upon years that's what D&D meant to me.

Trying not to turn this into an in depth geek-gasm of my passion for RPG's, let me turn it into the in depth geek-gasm of Berserk for me. Keeping in mind my love of D&D let me remind you all that I have a passion for cartoons which turned into a passion for Anime. Here suddenly is this awesome Anime series that I'm introduced to called Berserk. I first watched the Anime at Ryan's behest, within a few episodes I was fulled immersed in this world of swords and monsters which connects with my passion for D&D like a mother fucker! That isn't the best part of watching the Anime however, the best part was, after the second episode it turns into a world without monsters. Any monsters that appear in the series are mere men in suits of armor. This is incredible to me, for the first time in years I have a series that not only connects to my love of D&D but to my desire for the middle ages to live up to the hype. For the next 12 or so episodes I see a man... good?... bad?... unknown. But he is JUST a man, becoming more powerful then nearly every one else he meets. From the first fight in which he; in a shirt and breeches; kills a full grown; full armored man, to his half dead fight against 100 men. He never uses anything that you or I couldn't use ourselves. (well, with years and years of practice anyway) The series ends, in a sad sort of way, but showing that Guts (the main characters name) is capable, still as a man, to fight monsters with the powers of true Demons; and win; on a regular basis. However, being that he is just a man; he takes injuries, many devastating injuries in his unending pursuit for vengeance and in the hopes for happiness.

That would have been enough for me. I've seen enough movies/books/shows end with me accepting that the world does still go on after this story is done. I wasn't THRILLED by the end of the series. I could however live with it.

Then, I learned there was a Manga of it. "OH!" I thought to myself. I assumed it would be everything that I'd already seen. Maybe I'd get a new story or two, a little more depth of character to flesh out the image already in my mind. So I read the first manga, and the first issue in it doesn't disappoint. Then with still 8/10 of the book left to read I get nothing but new material. OMFG! That rocks. The next 3 manga's don't disappoint either. By the time they finally get to the material I've seen before I'm thrilled to relive the events of the Anime. I'm eager to. So for 7 manga's or so I get the same story I was expecting, but with more depth, and some fond memories. Crossing my fingers as we get closer to the end of the story I wait to see how much new material I'll get. I wasn't let down again. Since Manga number 16 or so it's been all new stories, new powers, new characters. I love it. I'm up to number 26 and I KNOW the series is still being written in Japan.

The reasons why I love the Manga (even more the the anime) are numerous, but I'll just give a few. First is the artwork. The anime couldn't compare to the depth of artistic skill as massive in the Manga. Not every page is "artwork" to me, but most of them are. If it's an army of people in fantastic armor, or a battle scene, a hideous monster or a beautiful but deadly woman, the pages are intricate and well done. The story line will have you flowing from one emotion to another. The pride as Guts is accepted for his Berserker ways, or the thrill as his enemies fall in his way, love, brotherhood, betrayal, horror, hope, denial, fear, jealousy and most of all, anger. The emotions the book takes you through are powerful, primal emotions but with such a wonderful story you can't help but get dragged in.

So, in conclusion to this walk through my mind, if you enjoy Fantasy, give Berserk a try. I just read #26 and I eagerly anticipate 27 on. I hope you give it a shot too.

Thanks for talking a walk with me.

Today was the first full day Barbara had in Jersey for the last year. Sadly she seems to have gotten food poisoning or the flu and we've spent all day in my apt. Suck. I mean seriously I love Barbara, but I have NEVER known anyone with worse luck then she has! If it wasn't so sad, it would be fuckin' hilarious! I hope she feels better tomorrow and it's not the flu, that would totally ruin her vacation... meh. Nothing I can do at the moment, she's settled in, resting and with any luck she'll get some food in her soon.

The one fun part of today was hanging out with Ryan. We wound up running and getting some pepto for Barb then played video games all day. BTW Left 4 Dead is awesome!!! We wound up watching The Dark Knight with Barbara. I love that movie. It is so cool.

So. Today kinda sucked. (for barbara... especially) but for me, it was a nice day off. Not spent waiting at an airport or running around like a madman, but spent with a friend... playing video games and watching movies.

So let's give a little re-cap of the previous year. What it brought for me, what i didn't want, what i wanted and didn't achieve.

What it brought for me was a moderate amount actually. First and foremost is that I fell in Love again last year. It was the first time I'd had my heart moved in years. It didn't work out for several reasons, but it showed me that there are others out there with the things i look for in a woman. Considering before this i'd only been able to say it seriously twice before. That love helped me to really heal a lot of self hate and doubt that i had buried deep down in me. It's gone now, and good fucking riddance. Aught eight also brought me a new found respect for myself and a desire to change the parts of myself i don't like. I now want to become a better person. Not cause it's what i think i should do, cause i want to. Keep in mind me becoming a better person doesn't mean me giving to non-profit organizations or changing the me that is me, but it does me changing the me that I don't like. Finding out that i do want to change is something i haven't actually wanted in a long looooooooong time. The last year also brought me a new love of old things green. I want to thank everyone involved in my life last year, you all really helped me to get my life together for the first time in a long time.

What didn't I want from last year? Well, a few things i suppose. I hated watching friends being divided and trying like a mother fucker to slavage what i could. Both for myself and for the greater good. I tried to make sure any damage dealt over the last year wasn't too bad on people, but you can't always know what damage you'll accidentally look over. If i missed something, oops, i tried. (and this paragraph is mainly for my own musing sorry if it doesn't make much sense) Other things i discovered this year have been negative health issues, which i've posted here before. Suck. I actually kinda forgot about them. I am going to change somethings this year concerning my health. I've been saying this for years, but for the first time i understand that no one's going to do it for me, and i'm not going to get better without changing. I realize a lot of my problems in this life have to do with me not having a great deal of willpower or self control. I'm trying to deal with that this year. That's the root of all of my problems actually. This LJ posting idea i had is part of the solution. Post everyday, write everyday, think everyday. Share myself with the world and get myself out there. In the real world, in the internet world. I live too much in my own head. It's time to start sharing the weirdness of myself with others. If they don't get it, okay. If they do? Fantastic!

I suppose a lot of that last para. really also covered the "what i wanted and didn't get" bit that i was talking about from before. I wanted to loose weight, i failed. I wanted to cut back on smoking. Fail. I suppose there were a couple other things i wanted out of this year but i'm not too worried about them. (in other words at this point in time i can't remember what the fuck they were)

Now. The exciting part. What will aught nine bring? Well, if all goes well quite a bit actually. I'll be home a lot more this year. It's for several reasons. One of them being that i'm determined to eleminate the debt that i'm in. I'm not worried about having all of it paid, but if it's not down to 1/4 of where it is i'll use next year's tax return to pay it off in full. (thus insuring that i won't have money for a vacation in '10) I may return to school for my degree. If this doesn't happen, don't ream me out, Financial first. I also plan on personalizing my apt and animal cages. The living room may get a moderate surround sound system. (nothing that can't be paid off in year with the rest of the debt) the animal cages are going to be re-designed to the utmost of entertainment for both the lizards/chins and myself. I'm going to be pushing for another shop steward at SR. Hopefully it'll be me. Overall, w/o spending money, i want to make this year into a year in which i'm more actively involved in my life. I don't want to just be the passenger that i usually am. I want to do something, make something, stop living to watch it happen, but to make it happen. Christ. I sound like a fucking self help book. FUCK IT! I'm still gonna do it!

Well, I thank any who have taken the time to read this, it's unlikely the daily posts will be as long, they may just be one or two sentence blurbs before i go to work at the bar some days, but they'll be here.

A good new year to you all. May it bring happiness, orgasms, and new adventures. Don't let life get old. When you do, you might as well get ready to lay down and die. Hello aught nine, let's see what kinda person you can make me, let's raise a little bit o' hell eh?

The entire point of me starting to ACTUALLY use my LJ account was to help me find my voice last year. It partially helped me to achieve that goal. I've found my voice last year. I remembered how to enjoy being an extrovert rather then an Introvert. I'm going to use this new Extroverted status to start communicating with more people and trying to get others as well as I know the people I usually associate with. (who knows maybe I'll even find some nice people to let stick it in... or even to fall for! wow what a concept... hopefully the next one won't live in WV) However to get back on track from that tangent, what I want to say is, although it may be an annoyance to some I'll be posting once a day on LJ, I really want to do something that puts my thoughts out on the table and shows people the me that only 3 others have really seen. I'm doing this for two reasons, one being that if I can talk about myself on LJ it should be easier for me to talk about myself without a computer screen in front of me, number two is that I need to find a way to start building willpower. If I can manage to write an LJ post (or just something which i'll later transcribe onto my computer) then that would be a huge jump in accomplishing something long term that I want to do.

In my next post i'm gonna give a run down of my year and a goal list and life list for next year. What i want accomplished, what i WILL accomplish and any other randomness i can think of. Well, good night to all, Happy New Year. Let's all close our eyes and dream of what the next year may bring! (and if it's a nightmare... just remember that you control it... works in both real life and dreams)

So for those of you that don't know, I've been going through some BullShit at work this week. It started off as a mild insult and transformed into a righteous crusade. Details to follow.

The importance of this though is that it's helped me to take a huge step in finding my voice. I took a stand and stood by something that I believe in. It's not often I stand up for a cause because I find so many things to be too multidimensional to find one side that actually calls to me. I've never seen the world in Black and White, but when every angle is considered in a situation at times the correct choice is obvious. However I feel I may be getting a little bit off topic. What I wanted to say is that over the last week I've found myself putting all of the thoughts that I usually reserve for me and me alone they've been coming out and intermingling with other people. In everyday situations. Helping a customer at Shop Rite or just ordering a cup of coffee. I find myself a little more open to sharing myself and the thoughts that I have. In taking people into a sort of personal confidence which I've never wanted or seen a need to share before. Some people would call it Charm, some would call it Chutzpa, or perhaps fuckin BALLS! Whatever it's called to most people I find that I've never lacked it, although some I'm sure thought I did, it's just that I've never used it for a prolonged period of time. It's a weird emotional high, the basis for the intermingling of thoughts and Ideas, I understand now that the world as I see it is a place that other people want to see. It's a bit of an Idealistic world but it's a place people can respect and can strive toward. (and honestly just cause it's Idealistic doesn't mean it isn't full of dirty fun and the frequent bouts of random hilarity and awesomeness)

I'm sorry if this post is rambling or strange, but I'm having one of the mental breakthroughs that I haven't had in years right now and, well, I wanna share it with my friends and the rest of the world. Thank you for listening. I hope you'll all hear a lot more from me in the near future (at the very least to explain the Shop Rite BS i referenced before)

This is my life, and I'm living it one moment at a time...

Oh BTW watch the movie Cashback, it's a beautiful, funny movie that deals awesomely with the bored retail workers life, the world in which artists can sometimes live and the sheer beauty of a naked woman. It's awesome and not a small influence on the determination to write this post.

If you read Three Panel Soul you may have seen this already. If not, check it out. It's awesome,


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2BBl7_-4JA

I figured it's been a while since I posted and I'd let ya'll out in the interwebs know what's been going on in my life.

Old business first, I have been continuing to go to my MMA class. I seriously did not want to last night, but I forced myself to. I feel fucking great cause I did.  Not only do I feel physically sound, but I'm proud of myself for actually going. It's rare for me to follow through with things. I normally blow them off within a few weeks. Hopefully I won't blow this off. The way I feel when I go is so great that I can't imagine not going. (course, my past track record will show that even when I enjoy something doesn't mean I'll follow through... geez why on earth do people even like me?!?)

Second business of the old variety is the book club idea. We managed to have out 1st meeting last night. Myself, Jamie, Debbie, Mike, Ginny and Suzanne all got together, voiced our interest in 2 books each and a round of discussion had us settle on The Devil In The White City.  It sounds pretty god damn awesome to be honest. (Thanks Revvoice)  It's about a serial killer around the world's fair that made a buisness of murder.  Aparently he built a hotel that was full of traps and dead ends and other nefarious tricks. I eagerly anticapte the read.  

Third old business to discuss is the buying of food. Fail.  I'm going out today to do some food shopping, but I really gotta keep up on that. It seems to be the easiest one for me to slip on. I'll be good for a week with bringing food from home, then be bad for two weeks. Meh. I'll get the hang of it soon enough.

Ah-ha! New information.

Animals.  I love all of my pets to death, but they are going to cost me an arm and a friggin leg.  (but the love I have for them will keep me paying it.) 
Jarlaxle- my Ball python was recently taken to the vet cause his eye cap (the part of his shed that covers his eye) hadn't come off during his last shed. I tried very carefully to get it off myself, but when that didn't work... VET!  I was given... lube? I guess you'd call it. Two applications and the eye cap was gone. Yay!
Mr. Crowley- The 4 legged chinchlla. (yes the other chinchilla has less legs, with the un-original name of Tripod)  He has a chronic problem of overgrown teeth. It would appear that about once a month from now on I'm going to have to take him to the Vet to get his teeth filed down.  t sucks but I want to see him as happy and healthy as possble so... Meh.
Jessie aka "Bean"- My lovey, adorable, slightly stoopid, Maltese.  She may cost me a small fortune. Currently, Her back left leg has a bone spur, most days this doesn't bother her but every now and then it gets worked up.  (so now I have small pain killers for her)  Which the Vet says most small dogs will just ignore, but, if she continues to habitually need the pain killers, I'm going to have to ger her some knee surgery  She has an ear infucktion in one ear. Kinda normal. It's a floppy ear thing, I shoulda been on top of the ear cleanings. Oops. But it should be gone soon.  Teeth problems, needs to be spayed, suspicous lump (which blood work says is nothing but now i'm worried). So the Bean is going to drain all of the money that I ever get out of my pocket.  And to be honest to see her healthy and happy, i don't fucking care.

Other new / interesting things going on. I've decided that I'm going to open my used book store. It's now "The Big Dream".  I'm hoping to have actual progress on the store by 2011 at the latest. No rush. It is the life goal.  I'm not running into this blind. I don't want to open a used book store with the economy as it now, but I don't want to put it on hold forever either. So, I'm gonna do what I can to eliminate MY DEBT, before trying to build up debt for a store. (yeah, it's the same thing, but in my mind it's different)  So, that's step 1) Clear away the bad Debt.  Hopefully all will go well and in a few years i'll be my own boss.  BTW if you have any ideas you think would make a used book store even more popular, let me know. Currently I want to have an ORGANIZED used book store. (Two reasons. 1) unorganized used boook stores drive me mad. 2) I think i'll try to have a heavy internet business as well and you need organization for that.)

Last, and possibly least, I don't know, I'm a bad judge at these kind of things.  I'm trying to open myself up to more people. I know, that's part of the reason why I'm posting on LJ more, but i'm also trying to do it more it real life. One makes the other a little bit easier.  So for now, It's small steps. Posting once every few weeks (days would be better) and going to Cons on my own (where I did talk to people i didn't know and a few I didn't) . I'm gonna keep working on it. Hopefully one day soon I'll be a fully functioning productive member of society... Okay. Fuck that. I'll be on the outskirts of "society" till I die. But maybe. Just maybe. I'll get used to talking to the other people on the fringe of society and they'll be friends with me. and maybe let put my penis in the them...Who knows what'll happen.  

Well, I'm off to interact with the real world and try to get healthier, wiser, and richer. Or at least get out of the house for a little bit on my day off.

Peace.

So yesterday I managed to go to my MMA class for the second time. It's boxing, Thai boxing and kickboxing. I'm not learning much in the way of fighting except maybe the concepts of how to throw punches. I'm cool with that. It is however an awesome workout. I'm sweating my ass off for about 2 hours a week and I'm having fun doing it. Last week was my first visit and I didn't want to post about going until I actually managed to go a second time. Cause really, anyone that knows me knows that I may just stop going for no reason and not go back. I'm working on that bad habit though.

Last week did fucking KILL me though, I went on tues, was sore on wed, and almost couldn't walk on thurs. This week I'm not really as sore, and I'm hoping I don 't have problems walking tomorrow. (not that it was a bad not being able to walk, just a "my god my muscles burn" issue. I'm looking forward to next week and plan on making this at least a weekly habit. I'm hoping to be able to start taking 2 classes a week. Maybe the more martial art class if possible.

The subject line comes from a comment that was made by a friend of mine that I've been going with. Now that I'm getting the hang of the boxing I have the periodic points where I get almost hyper focused on the punches and I wind up swinging like I'm supposed to. After one such period my friend looks and me and says "Damn, I hope I don't get into a fight with you for real cause you throw some mean punches." REALLY?!? I do! Woo-hoo! I never woulda thought that my outta shape ass had any real fighting skills in me. Not that I have any need for them, but it's good to know that I have them if I need them. Yay!

I gotta say, I'm glad I'm doing this. I've wanted to for a long time and I'm quite happy with the way things are going. With any luck I'll take up a second night and start eating better, maybe I'll watch the extra pounds slip away and get some self confidence back. (note, if I start getting self confidence, it could be a scary thing. always keep me in check)  Seriously, for the first time in a long time, I'm proud of myself.

For a while now, (and part of the reason I started using LJ) I've felt that something is missing from my life. I think I realized today it's me. I haven't been living my life for a long time. I've just been going along with other people who are living their lives and I've sorta been a tag along. Boo to me. So today I started listing some things I want to do.

1)Take a Martial art. (I know I've said this one before, but tonight I'm actually going to look into it. I'm gonna check out Alex Wilikie's Martial arts school)

2) Start shopping for food. Cause seriously, all I eat is take out. That really can't be good for me...

3) Learn how to MAKE cosplay / halloween costumes. (not just going to stores and finding the right stuff. I mean huge prop swords, lego head masks, robotic arms, armor. All the cool shit. I'm gonna figure it out. Expensive or not, even if I'm one of those "cosplay people" So be it. It's time to take my own advice and not give a fuck what others say. (however if I ever start becoming a smelly con geek... hand me soap and tell me I smell like the Otakon Rave. I'll have nightmares about that forever...)

4) Start a book club. It's an idea that a few of my friends were discussing a few weeks ago. It almost slipped my mind. Almost. I'm glad it didn't cause I think it's a hot idea and should be followed.

Well, those are the first few steps I'm making to live my own life. Hope to see you in it...

I had to take the Bean to the vet to today, Last week her back left leg was being gimpy. She was doing better this week, but I go with better safe then sorry when it comes to animals. So it's possibly serious, she's got a bone splinter in her knee. If she were a bigger dog she would need surgery but, since she's so small, extra walks and exercise should be enough to keep her golden. (along with some glucosamin (sp?) for her joints) That doesn't bother me. Hopefully she won't need work done, but we'll have to wait and see. However, the vet did find a small lump on one of her puppy boobs. That's worrisome. So even if I don't have to have her knee worked on, I'm gonna have to get that checked out. I'll prolly wind up getting her spade at the same time. It should reduce the risk of breast cancer. (I pushed it off for a long time, but now with the actual possible threat of cancer I'm not gonna take the extra risk) That's all I got to say. I'll let ya know how she's doing and what the next step is in 10-12 days when I take her back in for her follow up visit.

Yeah, I lost the game.

So, here it is again, my second week of vacation in a year. It's always kinda sad when I use this week of vacation. I find that the first week is spent in Cali. (which is awesome) while the second is used for some strange random shit. This year it's to go to Otakon. Huh. Okay then. I'm looking forward to going to this con and also looking forward to not having to go to fucking shop rite for a damn week! Yay! I'm sure i've got more to share and who knows, tomorrow I may in fact do so, but for now? I'ma just say livin' is easy.